When I decided to be open about my chronic illness, I anticipated the day someone would misunderstand. It's human nature. No matter how much I try to explain and educate, there will still be people who don't want to know. And they don't care. They won't read your explanations, they will just make assumptions on what they perceive. And they can be downright wrong as hell. So you know what I do?
I adjust my fucking crown, give them the finger, and carry on.
I don't share my stories for sympathy. I do it for myself. If someone gives me such, then so be it. I appreciate compassion in my life, I don't have much of it for myself. I am working on that. Because in the end, the haters don't have to wake up in agony every day like do. People who struggle with chronic illness like me, don't usually hate on others. They know how precious our spoons are, so why waste them? Seriously, able-bodied jerks are the one's who laugh at a cancer patient's baldness, or mock someone for using medical marijuana. Or in my case, my currently swollen legs that I took a picture of and posted on instagram:
And that is just my feet. You haven't seen the rest of me. But I took this picture, and it wasn't easy. Looking at my swollen (and yes, it hurts like hell) legs and feet is hard. But it is my reality. It's what happens when I try to live life like healthy people. I don't regret my actions that caused this flare. Not one bit. I had fucking fun, and that doesn't happen as much as it should. For a moment, I got to pretend I was a Battle Crone and have someone elses problems. That's what makes larping great. Especially when you live in a world of constant pain with little to no meaning.
You make meaning happen in your life. You stand up for what matters to you. Because every spoon counts. Every breath counts. And I won't be silenced by stupid fat shamers who have no idea there are CONDITIONS THAT MAKE YOU SWELL UP.
With the drugs I am on, combined with the reactions my body has to just being alive, I have no choice to but to live on the razors edge. I make my choices very mindfully. I have to. Even if they seem stupid to others. This is my life, my illnesses, my choices. I refuse to be owned by my conditions. I refuse to let others tell me who I am. Leave if you must, but I will endure. I don't need you. I need myself, and my chosen pack. Haters gonna hate, but I don't fucking care.
I got better things to do then worry about the opinions of sheep.
