35.
Wow.
I never thought I would survive this long. I know that seems like a morbid thing to say, but that is the truth. I remember thinking to myself when I was shivering on the street, hiding in the corner of an abandoned donut shop, that I was going to die young. If I was lucky, I might make it to 21. But I knew the harsh realities of my situation then. I was an orphan, alone in a world full of exploitation. I narrowly avoided becoming someone's Old Lady. And I mean that in reference to actual Biker gangs. I lived parts of Sons of Anarchy because my mother did business with them. One guy took a shining to me at 14. He told me he would wait a few more years before he would kidnap me and make me his wife.
One of the many reasons I ran away as soon as I could.
But somehow I made it out of that world. I have been running away from The Hammer since I was born there. Because I knew that if I stayed there too long; in a world of thieves, drug addicts, and gang wars, that I was going to become like them and die. And like my mother, I am prone to suicidal thoughts. Only I went to get help with mine, so I could try to have a better life than what I came out of. So I could flourish and grow.
35 years. I have seen things you'd never believe. I have done horrible things, and wonderful things. I have known ecstasy and pain deeper than any sane person should. Being bipolar is like that though. Every experience I feel I put my whole self into. I don't know any other way to be.
And I knew that if I wanted to grow and shake the shackles of The Hammer and that life, I had to be brutally honest about myself. Especially to myself.
I just did a move in less than 10 days. My husband had been looking for months for something in Seattle, and this time he found it. A friend who lived there had a job opening at her work. She told him about it and he applied. I don't think he thought he was going to get the job.
I knew he was going to. I just knew.
He even got a friend from work to apply, and she got it as well. After much discussion, we all agreed to live together and help each other out. I am not normally so open to ideas like that, but when I met her we hit it off. So now I got a new friend and roommate who was a huge upgrade from the last one. All of the things happening under such a tight schedule was not easy to deal with. I managed to keep myself focused through it all so we could get to the other side in tact. I am still in an extreme amount of pain. It was hard, but not the hardest move I have ever done. I have moved across countries. That perspective actually helped me get through all this.
I am typing this as I sit in my new place in Washington. I live in Washington...
Challenge Accepted! Bring it on Universe! Shower me in awesomesauce!
