More Than Just a Chronic Werewolf

Recently I had some issues with blogger and Facebook that caused me to re-evaluate things. Facebook seems to be doing a power play lately, causing people who own blogspot blogs to lose their links, claiming their blogs are malice and thus block the links from being posted.

Even if the blog ISN'T malice in nature.

I think this is really crappy behavior, and will ultimately cause Facebook's downfall in the future. Remember Myspace? It got too big for it's britches too.

And here's my heart...fresh off the meat hooks...

I brought my Chronic Werewolf Blog back but I want to state something very important before I continue to share such personal aspects of myself with you...

I am grieving pretty badly right now, and I could use real friendship. I have had some friends come to me and offer companionship and they are wonderful. I'm very grateful for their kindness. Reminding me that I am loved despite myself is important right now. Hearing it from people's own lips is potent mojo. I know not everyone can do that, so I do accept personal messages. But just know that if you can be there for me in person, I would prefer that. If you cannot, then please send me messages of encouragement so I know at least you are doing more than observing my life through the lens of this journal.

This blog isn't who I am as a person. And I have Bipolar, but it doesn't make me fragile. Neither do any of my other conditions, like Fibro. I have never been a fragile person, but I have been through some serious fucked up shit in my life. Not just recently. I came from a badly broken home where madness and abuse was a way of life. I left that world promising myself I would rise above that. I just didn't expect my genetics + drugs to = CRAZYTOWN. A lot of what happened recently I don't even remember, and what I do remember doesn't always line up with other people's stories. I know I freaked out badly, and it wasn't something one trip to the ER was gonna cure. I would hope I wouldn't have that held over me now that I am getting help and owning it. I want to believe my friends and loved ones are better people than that. I am still the strong-willed Kweeny Todd you loved before. This blog is me working out thoughts, and sharing it with people who aren't able to talk to me in person. People who may read this because they are going through some hard shit too and they find hope in reading my journey as I progress.

And I am progressing. Because if there is anything I am good at, it's rising from ashes.

I am not my diagnosis's. I am not just a Chronic Werewolf. I am a multi-faceted being who has a big heart and loves with deep passion.

I'm too stubborn to give up.

But I am doing activities in therapy to help me move through my pain. My physical pain has grown since the break down a few weeks ago. Not sure if it's because now I am not in denial about my pain anymore or what. But I am exhausted. And hurt badly.

But like the Mandala...everything is a process. The spiral of my life can work inward as well as outward. I can rise again. And I will...because even in death there is rebirth.

And that is how you own your shit and state what you need. By working through your own internal spiral. Finding the center, and growing outward. Until you are the Queen of your own life.