A Eulogy of Shadow Words (poem)

In this life
We are given gifts we choose to be curses
Taking our words
And twisting them into furious verses.

[A eulogy of shadow words...]

She spent years studying calligraphy.
Using pen and ink
Imitating the ebbs and flows
Of words
creating a paragraph of water
Her poetry and prose
Going down stream.
All letters, perfectly aligned
Knowing their exact place
On the page.

Knowing their purpose.

Her hand, moving with need.
Furiously scribbling.
Intent on raw images.
Writing was art for her
The art of passion
The art of war
As ink turned to poison in her pen.
Cloaked in the flesh of regal letters
They changed, rearranged
and became stained words.

I weep as they bite me.

All letters, perfectly aligned
Knowing their exact place
On the page.

Knowing their purpose...

And yet, she could not see,
Could not grasp in her hands
That the pen
Is mightier
Than a fist.
Mightier still
Than the bruises
Written on her soul.

So instead
She tasted the rainbow and closed her eyes,
One candy coated pill at a time,
Until I forget what she looked like
When she smiled.
Until I forget if I ever saw her smile.

In this life
We are given gifts we choose to be curses
Taking our words
And twisting them into furious verses
Words that crackle, words that burn
Words turned to ash in the bottom of your urn.

[A eulogy of shadow words...]

I can't help but wonder,
If all that will remain of me when I'm gone
Are shadow words.

Originally written Oct. 13th, 2009, for my mother.

Kweeny's Pain Journal's Greatest Hits: The Movie HORNS...

I think I am going to die.

No, all of -us- are going to die.

SSsshhhiiit,,,,I thought I had more time.

I don't just want 70 years.

I want eternity.

I want to be a vampire, but I can't be.

I just cant.

I am a WEREWOLF.

And because of that...I can't stay in this realm forever.

I am made of Dreams.

I am a Destroyer Force Angel

I am above and below...

The Alpha and the Omega.

Mirror Shards.

Kweeny....

Queenie.

Good bye Livejournals.

Good Bye Internet...where I could escape my head and heart and just be...

Freeeeeeeee.

Queenie sighs with Reilly and finishes hir movie.

Thiiissssss Will Never End Cuz I Want Mooooorrrreee...

Moooreeee Give me Moooore Give me Moreeeeee.

Aaaaahhhhaaaahhhaahhahahhha...if I had a voice I'd sing...

*chuckles darkly and closes the curtain, dark eyes like coals gleaming from the shadows*

The End.

How Nyx Tucks Ty Into Bed

I see her eyes in the dark. My siren, her voice, a deep hiss of pleasure as she curls around me, wrapping scales around my entire torso. I feel it grip around my legs, my arms, my head. I am almost suffocating it's too tight. But then my eyes roll back. I feel like I am drowning, and I don't care. In the most exquisite, hissing voice her mouth finds my ear and laps at it with a forked tongue. Her breath is hot against my flesh, causing me to shiver all over, "It's okay baby. I'm here. I will make the pain go away..."

She grabs my cock and not gently. Her talons coil around it, until she is digging into flesh. I cry out, tears streaming down my face, but I don't use my safe word. Not yet. I haven't even cum yet.

I bite my lip and my eyes plead with her. She doesn't care.

She just continues to jerk me off. She rolls her hand around the tip of my penis, and I go fucking nuts. I curl my toes, my head falls back, and I grit my teeth. It hurts so fucking bad, but GOD DAMN IT DON'T STOP! My mind screams at my Demon Queen, and all I hear in the back of my head is a soft, sultry chuckle, "Don't give up yet. There's more..."

She plucks some exotic, aphrodisiac fruit from a tree within Lord Bearington's mind and starts feeding me the slices. She peels it and does everything right, treating me like I am a Greek god. I sigh deeply in bliss. It's all I ever wanted. To be pampered. To let go of the cage I keep my Beast in. I want this moment to never end. At the same time, I am in the depths of hell.

She doesn't stop. No...she makes sure I eat the ENTIRE thing. Every last bite, down my gullet. I feel full enough to burst, and at the same time Fever Ray is playing in the back of my mind as my Predator/Sadist persona Fucks me.

No, she doesn't fuck me. She makes LOVE to me.

This is self love. This is how I do self love! I am a sexy ethical slut! I am very choosy who I bed with, but I am more than happy to bed many people. That is why I am poly. No other reason.

I am not alone. Even when I am silent in a room.

I have my head mates to take care of me.

Ty rolls his eyes back into his skull and dies like a phoenix, for the 100th time tonight. After the fire goes out his wings go back to raven black. The spiral goes ever downward into hell.

There Is Nothing To See Here (poetry)

There's nothing wrong with me right?

I mean, I can just sit in my garage, like a normal person, and not freeze to death.

When the weather outside is like spring.

And just sitting in my covered garage, makes my hands burn and turn red.

And I shiver. In my "cold" garage.

This is normal.

This pain is all in my head.

Or when I try to go to sleep...

And my body begins to spasm.

Not a mere tremor.

A spasm...

My muscles are literally at war with themselves trying to rip apart my body.

Trying to rip apart my sanity.

But nothing is wrong.

Move along now humans.

The wolf isn't changing. Isn't shredding herself apart from the inside out.

She can't.

Because we won't let her.

A few mere words will make the whole experience of my pain irrelevant.

I can have my story rewritten for me by science.

Because science is always right.

They know better than the werewolves

What lycanthropy feels like.

Because they have medicine

For pain reduction.

If I could control what was happening to me

Don't you think I WOULD?

Don't you think that maybe,

Just maybe,

This one patient isn't the asshole you think all patients are?

Maybe this one actually is suffering

And wants you to do your job as healer...

Are there any real healers left?

Because please, I want one who says my experiences are real

And effect the WHOLE of me.

Not just parts.